One year ago....

In approximately one hours time, one year ago, I got on a plane. This plane took me to Seoul. (I wish that I took photos of the delicious meals that Korean provided- next time I will do this). Everything was just beginning and, twelve hours after than step on, I stepped off into what now felt like a different life; I was given brand new eyes. The world suddenly shrunk and expanded at the same time; perhaps people don't have enough senses to fully drink in a life-changing time. Sight, a sense of smell and touch, taste....all of it, it's not enough to fully embrace everything. Alas, this is not the point of the post. I am merely thinking back to a moment which has not ceased to change my life and occupy my mind since. I just can't get enough...I wouldn't want to have it any other way; I'm addicted and I just can't get enough...(BEP).

43things

I recently started up an account on 43things. I hope that by setting some goals, I will find them easier to achieve. I tried to link it up to my blog but it wouldn't let me...which was disappointing. Nevertheless, I shall endeavour to post the entry and the link in a post here. http://http://www.43things.com/person/BrightDelicate My first entry was as such: Write a list of all my heroes, teachers, guides, mentors and inspiration leaders. "Loving sparkly, inspirational people" I think that everyone should grab hold of what inspires them. Sources of inspiration empower us and lift us up to new places, or out of the emotional ditch that we have fallen into. Find out who inspires you, emulate them, surround yourselves with that which comforts you. Let's support eachother. Here are my first three sources of guidance and inspiration, in no particular order: 1. My mother. I know that many people would argue that children are in some ways obligated to say this or think it. But I don't agree. Not everyone is a good parent. My mother is. Supporting, loving, the most patient and giving; her smile and glittering eyes light up the room and she makes life wonderful for all that know her. She gives the best hugs and surprises and also loves to make little treats to bolster peoples self-esteem at work. Beautiful. 2. SARK. Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy. Writer, poet, artist, wild-woman, life-lover and liver extraordinaire. Her books are filled with such joy and spirit and heart that it is honestly infectious. Sound advice and wisdom, she will take you under her wing. Glorious. 3. Cassandra Mortmain. Protagonist/heroine from one of my favourite novels: "I Capture the Castle." Not only is this a must read but the characterisation is genuine, heart-felt and real. Follow her wit and wonder throught the throwes of life and it's ups and downs, especially where love is concerned. I will never tire of her zest for discoving the joys of life. I aim to compile a list of around 10-15 fonts of inspiration. :)

Go for it/Wonder Woman/hibernation/incubator-time

I finished my final shift today at 16.00. Suprisingly, I didn't feel as deflated as I thought I might. That aside, two of my collegues cried and one was so upset that she left without saying goodbye!!! Cripes. There was no fanfare, no pomp, cards or what-not; most people didn't even know that I was leaving. We always knew how disposable we are to a conglomerate...

As I strode past the picture of Wonder Woman in the 'M.A.C' window, thinking about the last time I contemplated her (when I handed in my notice two weeks ago), I feel like I've come a long way. I know how best to support myself.

My 'aunt' Ellie told me on Saturday, to "Go for it!" with regards to my S.E.O.U.L. and I shall. "Go for it! Go for it!" Waunderlust...

And now I settle into my new routine of down-time and getting thngs done. Productivity here I come.

Sorry this was brief. x

Gumption.

Today I was thinking about the concept of leading ladies. The I thought about one of my idols, Kate Winslet, a truely wonderful leading lady. In The Holiday Eli Wallach's characte, Arthur Abbott, says that she needs to stop being the best friend and start being the leading lady in her own life, because that is the role that she is meant to play. I want to take many leaves out of this book and start being the leading lady of my film. It's time to reclaim my fabulousness, perhaps we can all do this together, supporting and loving each other through the difficult moments. Let's show off out best bits!!!

Iris reclaimed her gumption, I think it's time that I started wearing mine again.

Millefiore

I love it when things happen that seem like coincidence, but aren't actually. These are moments when the planets or stars align, when tiny pieces of the huge jigsaw fall into place.

Tonight me and my mother, who is a mosaic and stained-glass artist, were sat at the table looking through the most recent additions of millefiore to her collection, picking out the chiocest pieces. We decided to guess which of the delicate slices were each others favourites; I picked similar. She picked exactly the pieces that I had in mind, in the order in which I picked them in. Wonderful. We laughed a lot. We are obviously closer than I thought, it's a comforting thought.

Stars, hearts, flowers, swirls, luminous, incandescent, twinkling, sparkling...

Entering the void.

Here is what I wrote on my Facebook wall last night:

"Pleased to be re-entering the void. Who knows what possibilities may appear? Going back to measuring time by cups of tea consumed will be a true joy compared to measuring it by how many arses one had had to kiss. Pen will grace paper, head the pillow and the mind the infinite escape of the imaginiation."

It's funny, I think the last time I wrote anything which had any quality, like this arguably has, was probably when I was in Korea, when I first started this blog. I think that I am only able to write when I feel free and, although for various reasons I do not currently feel overly free, I feel that I am freeing myself by making choices. I decided to quit my job. I hate it, it's draining and I will be better off without it. Understandably, I realise how fraught the whole employment situation currently is and, believe me, I am grateful for the opportunities and the like that I have been offered, but I can't be there. I have another job and I will find another way to make everything fall into place.

For the first time in a long time I feel liberated; I can read all that I want, write, cook, take photos, SMILE, study what I want to study. It will be wonderful, albeit sometimes tinged with guilt and feelings of faliure or, rather, fear of potential failiure because of abscence of money that I could be earning from said job that I hate....but I am willing to accept that if it means less piece of mind and more peace of mind.

As a small side, I am considering dermal fillers...this isn't the mind of a twenty-one year old....

Blogging heaven

The internet is both weird and wonderful. I love how we can connect with people and ideas and serendipitous happenings that lead us to other beautiful experiences. It has its downfalls but I cannot fathom its potential richness...and now I am rambling and waxing lyrical about it.

Perhaps it is time to say goodnight.

Ad Nauseum

Today I feel sick. I know that it's not the most auspicious start to a post but...well there is hopefully a greater theme to emerge in later lines.

How can we truthfully know when things, routine things, or whatever, become so tedious, frustrating and limiting that we know that we have to give them up (for our greater wellbeing). At what point does advent, addiction or adoration become ad nauseum? When do we know that things have run their course, especially if we are attached to them or committed to them? It's hard not to let feeling or what feels like 'greater' judgement get the better of us, refusing to believe that what we are doing is hindering us, becoming an impediment so huge and hampering that it is preventing positive change and manifestation. Clouds imparing our vision. Head in the sand. How do we know?

And then sometimes things run their course 'naturally' and we move on, unwillingly or not. Today, having come home from work early, I watched the latter half of "You've got mail" and Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) is forced out of her own business, a business that she adores, by the charming Joe Fox (Tom Hanks). Despite this being the end of her world as she knows it, it proves to be exactly what she need to serendipitously lead her to a better place and a fulfilling love. "'I wanted it to be you..." Superb. Anyhow, my point is that there are somethings that, in the last few years, months, weeks, have run their course and breaking from them is proving difficult. Perhaps only time will tell.

So wavering, albeit industriously and consistently, between stomach wrentching nausea to stress-induced ad nauseum, I wonder what the next couple of weeks holds and, perhaps this blog will offer advice just like 'NYC152' does to 'ShopGirl.' Sorry for the incoherent psycho-babble. It's been a long day.

I guess that I would have to say....I'm a writer or "Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own" -Carol Burnett

Although I realise that this is my second post in under ten minutes, I have to write it.
I just read some of my older posts and I can only smile. I guess that I just have to continue to write, even if only for myself. Afterall, I am yet to have any followers on this blog- I can't blame anyone, it's been boring, it still probably is. But one day it might just be better, or more than better.

I'm glad I have some semblence of a diary from back then. Now I know that my words, my wit existed and, as such, so did I.

I'm going to have to re-learn how to change the colour of the text in these posts. I cannot for the life of me remember.

*Stars*

"Up above the world so high..."

Things are changing. Multifaceted; never the same day-on-day, even when we just blink.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star...

Whirlwind over.

I haven't posted in a while, but now I am back and I feel the need to chronical these last few months in London before I return.
Impatience is a companion that I cannot rid myself of at the moment, it lingers behind me like a second shadow and, I suppose, that I am just going to have to learn how to deeal with it because its not letting go anytime soon. I am on a diet of calm, yoga and meditation in order to try and manage it ;)Shouldn't be wishing time away. As my mother always says to me: These are the good days. Yes mum, these are the good days before the great ones!!!